VANITY and ME

What is the purpose of vanity when everything is futile. Then why this extravagant display of the plasticity.

I see how the makeup, this masque of false beauty get washed away during the times of great sorrow.
At the very urgency of life we somehow boycott the pretentious vanity, thus we don’t care anymore about the forced hypocrisy at the scarcity of happiness.

What happen then? Are we enlightened or we felt the awakening?
If not then what is that which take over this addictive ornamentation?

Some say “it’s the harmony of life, love, affection, care. Indeed these emotional entities do have their affect but none of it is the pivotal driving force behind it.
FEAR, the dreadful thought of losing the material world and thus unwontedly relinquishing this habit of hypocrisy.

I try to feel the flawless conscious BRHAMAAND in the time of emotional and affectionate scarcity. I think I didn’t feel any fear of future or this ‘love for material’. But the horrifying nightmare of the present, that could happen this very moment.

I am worried about the future regardless of the vanity of what to come but to know that I am here and most possibly will be there at the times of responsibility.

I don’t want to undone anything not to change neither to control but to flow away from its course so that the present couldn’t intimidate me. This extreme feeling of irresponsibility in me or the fear of facing the responsibility is the reason for this, may be.

I left the masque since then but have no realm to stay. I know I can’t find anything.

But I just want to feel ...